he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
