No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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