I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
