All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
