then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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