Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
