They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
