We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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