His pubic hair was longer than his dick
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
