I want to make a zoo with you.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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