man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
