You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize