Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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