small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
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Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
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Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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