Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
