he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
