We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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