one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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