i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Be still, my beating vagina.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
