i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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