I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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