i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
