I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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