Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
