I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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