Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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