went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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