Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
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and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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