I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
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i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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