someone get that fucking seahorse.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
