Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
it's great music for shaving your balls
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Randomize
