he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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