I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
