ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
