woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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