I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
