how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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