I didn't shave. On purpose
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
