Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
