Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
