I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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