Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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