Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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