the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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