just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
