I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
