Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
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