Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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