hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
