haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
