he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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