there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
