NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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