I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
