I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
