update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You left your phone here
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