More tranny stories later!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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