we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
