Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Two words: nipple clamps
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