Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
