she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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