I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
