I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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