what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My vagina just clenched in fear
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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