I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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