You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
NoShamevember. You game?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
