Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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