You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
