Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
