You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Your cock deserves a montage
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
