why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
