i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
