there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
