I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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