I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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