the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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