grandma shit on top of the toilet
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
