Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
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He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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