I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
