Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
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My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
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Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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