shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
